Brazilian waxes, 7.50 cent beer and a chastity belt

Today I feel like my dorm mates must have years ago when for whatever reason their bodies were more sensitive to diet and particularly salt than mine. I don’t need a blood pressure meter today that’s for sure. I can feel my wedding band taught around my third finger, even my eyes feel a little pressurized as if they were bulging from their sockets a bit. Maybe this is a good thing that just now at 37 years old ive gained or developed sensitivity to this sort of thing im calling “next day bodily duress”, or on the other hand, because I know ive partook in my share of various and sundry systemic abuse, perhaps its an indicator of just how out of touch ive been for all these years?...hmmm,…any way, .. a night at the 755 club at turner field with my middle son of 8 years instigated several rounds of heavily processed chicken wings, beer, mini cheese burgers and plenty of sickeningly oily, salty, french fry like fried potato sticks. For all of this immediate caligulian joy, today I feel like a spent piece of something very disposable.

On our way to our soopa doopa rock star seats right behind home plate, we toured the upper rotunda at the stadium. I suppose Its one of those opportunities to witness a genuine social demographic crossection …kind of like going to a “B” rated amusement park like Six flags or even Kings Island, its at sporting events and especially in the exclusive clubs within arenas and stadiums that you can actually get a sense of who the people are that live in your city and your neighborhoods. My son, even before I, took notice and went on to mention the number of extremely overweight , tattooed people all of whom were engaged in some form of concerted consumption and then in the leather recliner to the right and left, a picture perfect generic well-to-do suburban country club family decked out in the latest nautica and Ralph Lauren garb daintily licking cotton candy ice cream cones and chatting about their most recent shopping excursion to Miami’s Bal harbor. Its really a sight.


One thought on beer in a Southern stadium environment. Temperature versus blindly taking it easy. sure bud light and similar beers are refreshing but just ask yourself what it is that really makes them this way. Seriously, id put money down if you could tell me that when a Bud is warm its still as refreshing and revitalizing at it is when its 34 degrees. So in this way, as most of us would agree that there are many other options with much more character that still when guzzled at sub 40 degree temperatures bring measureable refreshment. So why then do so many of us choose insipid dry lackluster beers for summertime gulping? I say its more about the chill than the actual profile of the beer. Just try it,..go buy a sixer of something medium bodied instead of your usual domestic light, chill it down to 35 degrees and take it to the neck! Which would you prefer, a 81’ rusty Nova with good AC or a Maserati wth the convertible top down?


After taking our seats, it must have been the bottom of the third inning when a group of attractive sparingly clothed girls strolled into our section and took seats in the row in front of us. All of 18 years old, they were all wearing excessive amounts of perfume, and looked as if they had just bought new Atlanta braves ¾ length baseball jerseys just for the game. With pink blackberries in hand they slowly settled in and after about 10 minutes calmed down enough to manage the expectation of an 8th row sports fan.
My son and I went on about our business, watching, munching on cracker jacks, drinking beer and strawberry smoothies and enjoying what was a picture perfect summer baseball event. As is the case with most arena seating, the rows are stacked atop eachother. So, leaning forward in my seat game me a unique vantage point to the row of girls. They were chatting about, not watching the game for more Than a minute at a time but rather spent the majority of the game texting and instant messaging friends that weren’t at the game. I looked down at one point read the outgoing text . There appeared to be a boy at the other end f the thread. She had sent over a dozen messages when my curiosity came over me …I couldnt help looking and the text she wrote said .. Girl,..“yeah, were at the game…and you’re right,…its really *%^$^$# hot here”. Boy,.. “what are you drinking?...we still have beers over here” Girl,..“ the beer selection is bad” Boy,..” What do you mean?..its your fault for drinking 10$ beers..ha ha” Girl, ..”Were not drinking them,..the ID was rejected” Boy, ..”bummer” ,…Girl, “ they aren’t 10$ anyway…they are 7.50$” Boy, …”what did you do yesterday?” Girl,..”do you really want to know?” Boy, “yes!!” Girl,.. “ well, I went and got another Brazilian Wax then went to Victoria’s Secret and bought some Lingerie” Boy,.. “ Nice! …god I cant wait for you to be my wife!” Girl, “ only a couple more years till im 25!” Boy, “ do you want to come by here tomorrow night and help me finish this keg of Sweetater?” Girl, “ mmmm,I like that beer,..its better than 7.50$ bud light!” , …Boy, “ yeah for sure” ..Girl,.. “ id love to come by and you know my parents are out of town this weekend right? ..Boy, "yeah,..dont remind me. Girl,…"we can do other things but we just have to just wait…yeah ill skip mass on Sunday and stay over at your place…ok?” Boy, “ now your talking,!”